Connected

When is being connected an obsessive compulsion? I am sitting at Starbucks, wanting to just come in and read, but decided to pull my computer out also...just to check my email real quick. I forgot that the server at work is being moved this weekend, so I can't check that email account.

Ever been overly frustrated by something so small and pointless? I can't check my email. That isn't my only email, I have a Yahoo account too. Plus I end up using my Facebook account and MySpace account to stay connected to a lot of people. So, how is it that I can become so annoyed by just 1 of my many forms of communication being shut down?

I think the internet these days is making a lot of us obsessive compulsive. I am more guilty of this than almost anyone else! I leave my computer on most days while I am at work...I will stay logged in on my computer, even when I am in another part of the house doing something else. Why do I do that? Am I really this committed to work? Doubt it.

Somehow, it feels like if I log off...if I shut down my facebook for the next few hours, I will miss something big. I will look to see who is online sometimes...wont message those that are online...just wondering who else is on. Weird.

I am left to believe that the whole reason I stay on has to do with being connected. Somehow having my computer online offers me at least the illusion of connectedness at that moment...and it makes me feel good. I can't explain it, doubt I am alone it in. I wonder if our parents ever thoughts about these things or if this is a condition limited just to our WWW generation.

Our God is an extravagant lover

I guess it has been a while since I posted on here. I have thought about it often, but have not felt inspired or pressed to write my thoughts to the world.

Tonight, a change.

We have been basically begging for paper bags for the Hallows Eve Diversion in Lawrenceville. We needed 3000, we barely had 1000, and I have been asking God how this gap actually is supposed to get filled, especially with so little time left before Halloween.

In authentic desperation, I called Aubrey and Ben tonight to ask for the help of their tribe because we needed all the help we could get.

When I met everyone at Waffle House at 10pm tonight, I expected to celebrate the delivery of 200-300 bags which would have been a huge help. I guess that expectation is what left me speechless as the 3000+ bags were gathered in that parking lot.

3000+.

I don't know what things you are supposed to say in that moment...which is okay because I couldn't really talk anyway. But as I drove home, I couldn't help but think that our God is an extravagant lover. An average love will get you just enough. Tonight, i would have been happy with just enough. And then God reminded me of His never ending love for me, for us.

An extravagant lover takes joy in lavishing the object of his affection with tokens of his love.

Looking forward to the first year of the Hallows Eve Diversion.

What to do with your 24th hour

Months and months of waiting and watching have concluded as the bless'd season of Fall is upon us. I celebrate because I have 2 days a week filled with football I could watch if I choose...and because there is a chill in the morning air which demands my lungs to breath in deep...because the pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks...because this time of the year is like the beginning of a long roller coaster ride. It is like sitting in line at 6-flags for an hour and a half just to get on the ride...and now I am just happy the coaster is moving!


Fall is my favorite time of year. It holds the the best of my memories from my past.


There is a price to pay for this amazing season. With fall comes so many more options in your life, things you can do with your time. As you get older, it seems like the many options suddenly become many commitments...and though fall brings a beauty to it...I am finding that it also brings a weight to my life.


There is much I want to do. There are many goals I want to reach, many tasks I must complete, many relationships I wish to develop...and I find myself butting up against...well...the 24th hour of the day. I am going and going and doing and doing, and suddenly I look up and realize that there is only so much time left in the day, and the time that is left will not suffice to reach my goals and complete my tasks and pour into my relationships.


With that reality in mind, I just ask a question: What do you do with your 24th hour? When you are left to acknowledge that you will not get done all you had hoped to get done...what gets your "last hour."

I ask this because I feel like every day I am faced with this question.

Do I give my last bit of energy and time in the day to my friends? To my work? To cleaning the house and maintaining it? To watching another episode of Lost or Studio 60? There are so many things to do...and yet each day I cannot get to it all.

I would write more...but I want to leave room for you to comment....and the roller coaster is about to start again. =)

Father God

A simple thought, probably not new to most of you.

I have been thinking recently, and I believe God is revealing this to me for a few reasons, that the key to human relationships is God.

Perhaps that seems like a very general, unhelpful statement. If so, let me put it in a way that is extremely clarifying and helpful. I desire relationships, connections with other people. I am starting to realize with a new intensity that the key to having the best relationships is knowing more of the God who is Father over these people.

I have been thinking about this, because it is also true in our human relationships with parents. The way to understand a child is to understand their parent. The key to knowing the heart of a person is to know the heart of their Father, which has helped form their own heart and passions.
More specifically, I have been thinking about this when it comes to guy/girl relationships. When a guy wants to pursue a girl, he pours a whole lot of his energy (if not all of it) into trying to win her over and woo her heart. This isn't bad (necessarily), but here is my thought...if I learn more of humanity by knowing the heart of God (The Father)...than perhaps I should spend some time and energy trying to know and understand the heart of an earthly father in order to win the heart of his daughter.

I am not saying this is the way it MUST be. I am just suggesting that maybe this is the best way...not to mention the fact that it makes a man interact with authority figures early on in "the pursuit."

Just a thought.

The formative thoughts and practices of a parent help shape the way a child will think and interact with the world around them.

The radical mystic

"You will find him in your own town, in your own family, and even in the strivings of your own heart, because he is in every man who draws his strength from the vision that dawns on the skyline of his life and leads him to a new world.

It is this new world that fills our dreams, guides our actions and makes us go on, at great risk, with the increasing conviction that one day man will finally be free - free to love!"
- from The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen

This is the passage at the end of a chapter which is about the condition of our world and our (as a human race) ways of processing and interacting.

Am I am mystic? am I a revolutionary? do I lose sight of God's work in my life when I allow myself to be pigeon-holed into one of these grandiose labels?

On one side I find my introspective nature that would quietly sit for hours and analyze and process the realities of my life, and never really engage. It is this part of me that consistantly will wonder, "have I found what is really important in this life and the next...and am I living in it?" It is this side of me that believes if I could just sit at home all day and read and pray and ponder the greatness of God, I would find true life.

Then there is the other side, which Nouwen calls the revolutionary. It is the lifestyle that says, "change the world or die trying." It is this part of me that believes I will find my purpose...my identity, in what I do and what I give my life to. This is the side of me that would say "forsake the few, for the sake of the many"...a great business model...but not the ideal for my pursuit of God.

So what exactly should it look like for me to exist as both? How do I live as a radical mystic who moves boldly forward to change the world...while asking God what are the small simple things for me to do...to honor You today?

Lost and Elizabethtown

The older I get, certain things in life become clearer than ever before. I am not talking about life purpose or anything like that. The clarity I am speaking of has to do with...well...the rules of the road...the unavoidable laws of life. Some of them are obvious to us, and I have been reminded of just a few in recent days:

-Every month and year seems to pass by faster than the year before.

-Every young adult longs for the freedom of their own place to live...until they have it...and then they long for mom's cooking and laundry services.

-Following your dreams costs you much

-If you do not grow through the pain of your past, you will never be able to get past...the past.

The "rule" that has be ready to write at this moment is hard to articulate, so I will just put it this way: "certain things are better left unsaid." (Is it ironic that it is hard to articulate that?) Perhaps I am the only one that notices this, which is fine, but I am finding all of these moments lately where I engage with friends or peers and there is something there...something between us. Good or bad, it is there. Now I have become a person who is quick to call those things out, it is becoming natural to me. However, I am beginning to wonder if in some situations, things are better left unsaid. An odd tension among co-workers that has no obvious resolution...a noticeable attraction between two friends...a parting of ways...sometimes the things that we feel are the most important to say are the things we are better off not saying.

When i think of this, I think of Lost and Elizabethtown. Lost is currently my favorite TV show and Elizabethtown is one of my favorite movies of all time (if not my #1 favorite). I find myself talking to people about these pieces of entertainment...and if feels useless. I can tell you dynamics of why I think Lost is such a well written show, and I can talk about the originality found in Elizabethtown...but in the end...I can not communicate why these shows touch me like they do.

We (as a human race) are all in search of deep connections. Some of our deepest desires, and deepest hurts and pains are built around this need to be connected to others. I am noticing of late that there is nothing I can do to communicate why Lost and Elizabethtown speak to my soul so much, why I feel like the watching of these things is like the read of a book entitled "all about Cory." All I know is that these things are close to me, because they have touched my soul in a way that few things have, they have brought tangible, visual pictures to the "hard to communicate" places of my heart.

I can't tell you exactly why I like these shows so much, all I know is that when you watch them and connect, you engage in an unspoken dialog with me...over things I have yet to figure out how to articulate.

Rotten Apples

"Remember the days of old, consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you. When the Most High gave the nations their inheritance, when he divided all mankind, he set up boundaries for the peoples according to the number of the sons of God. For the Lord's portion is his people, Jacob his allotted inheritance. In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye."

Every once in a while, I think I need to check my sanity and see if the passage above really is in the Bible. It seems like it is, it sounds like it is...but then you get into the nitty-gritty of what I thought it would look like for God to guard me as the "apple of his eye"...and well it suddenly becomes a bit hard to believe. I find myself looking at this passage and then wondering if I am off, or if God is a liar. (Don't worry folks, I don't think God is a liar)

Doesn't it evoke something within you when you read "the Lord's portion is his people" or "he guarded him as the apple of his eye." It feels as if there are things that go along with that. I wont be presumptuous enough as to try and write what I think those things are...because it is often very intangible. In fact, perhaps it isn't that certain things go along with that...maybe it is just that from time to time I have that nagging feeling that something is off...and I want to believe it is God.

I'll find myself having a rough conversation, an awkward moment or just a rough day and end up thinking, "what was that apple of the eye stuff I read?" How is it that I am the apple of His eye and yet life is like this?

If the Lord would call His people "His portion" then why does He feel so far off?

How do I reconcile the fears and emotions to His perfect will?

Don't worry friends, not a crisis of faith =) Just some important questions to think on.

We are creators

So I was reading this book this weekend (Sex God by Rob Bell, I recommend it!) and there is a line in it that really got me thinking.


"How you treat the creation reflects how you feel about the creator."


It is an interesting thought. How I treat people is a sign of how I feel about God. How I treat the environment around me is a sign of how I feel about God. A great dashboard for how I am doing internally is for me to look at how I treat the friend that is in need at the moment....the window to my soul is my attitude towards you.

My humanity, and my ability to embrace the call of God, is intrinsically linked to treat others as people and not as objects. It is "inhuman" when I treat a person as a means to an end. Surely that thought strikes a cord with more than just me.

That in itself isn't the big thought I wanted to process though. The question I pose is what does it look like for us to be creators...as our father in heaven is a creator. We were given dominion over the earth to go and work it...God made us creators. We are His creation and in that we have been given both a heart, mind and soul that can sing in tune with humanity as well as giving us divine inspiration that allows us to bring Heaven to earth.

I think this commission on us is probably a little like, "Go...do...be..." and the rest we are supposed to figure out as we go...and do...and be (or are, I suck a language). With that being said, I believe there are a few things we are specifically (and universally) called to be creators of because of our relationship with Christ:

1) Ambassadors (or creators) of Reconciliation-God created ultimate reconciliation by His sacrifice on the cross, and we are to be His ambassadors of it. In 2 Corinthians, Paul is talking about our intensity when it comes to living for Christ and serving Him, and with that he is talking about our recreation...

"16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God." (2 Cor 5:16-20)

Our role as ambassadors of this message of reconciliation is to be creators of reconciliation moments. A church service is just one simple example of this...people working to create moments that highlight this message of reconciliation to those around us. These moments can occur anytime, but we have to figure out how to embrace our creator-ness =) in the middle of everyday moments. How do I create a reconciliation moment while I am sitting at Starbucks? How can I create those moments while I am out on the Frisbee field? I don't have a perfect answer for these questions, I just know they are ones we should be asking.

2) Creators of Love on Earth - God is the source of all love. We only know what love is because He first showed us. He took the very high and lofty thought of love and made it real...and personal...and intimate. Now we have this love inside us that the world needs. This world is running rampant with many things, but love is not one of them. Love on earth happens when we go and create it! It happens when we bring heaven to earth by way of the love that we create, give and show! In 1 John 4:18 it says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." I think the question we need to consistently ask is "how can I bring love to this _____(person, situation, environment, ect...) in such a way that it drives out fear?" How do I create love on earth? I don't know that there is a concrete answer, but I think a sign of love on earth has to do with a lack of fear on earth.


3) Creators of Hope - Our hope is found in Christ, at least it is for those of us who know Him. People around us need hope. There isn't a whole lot to say here for this reason...have you ever looked into the eyes of despair and been able to bring hope to that situation? Have you been able to see the look in someones eyes as despair changes to hope? It is in that moment that you realize "I was created to do this." When you create moments where hope can develop and flourish, you have tapped into something of God's call on the Church.

There are so many other ways we are called to be creators. These are just a few that are on my mind right now...but if you have any other ways that come to mind...please share!

The Bends

There is a sickness that is typical in the scuba industry...as well as flying...as well as any other arena where there is a dramatic change in altitude. You body, when put under additional pressure from the air around it, must adjust to the change as you progress (whether it be going down in a Scuba dive or flying up in a plane). There are different decompression stops that must be made for your body to help you adjust. Without these, you can send your body into decompression sickness-"the bends". Without getting too technical (especially since I don't really know that much about it)...your body has natural gases that must be processed at different altitudes...without giving time to process it the right way, you can make your body very sick.

And so I am left with a question...does the same thing happen mentally and/or spiritually? Have you ever felt like you have gone from one spiritual climate to another so quickly that you feel out of it? Felt like your external situations take you from the mountain tops to the valleys in the course of the same day? I just wonder what the effects are of the spiritual bends or if it even exists. What about the mental bends? Does something like that exist?

I have noticed that the rhythms of my life on certain days cause me to experience something of the bends. I can go from the most visionary, mission oriented moments to the most unimportant tasks, and all the while feel this sickness in me that I can't process. How can you run back and forth from honoring God in the smallest of things to honoring Him in these big glamorous ways...and then back and forth again and again?

Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just sit at one altitude forever then try to help my mind and spirit engage in all these different environment.

Lost in Suburbia

The setup...
So I was sitting out on my deck just a few minutes ago, trying to pray. Now my deck faces some wooded area in our neighborhood. If you tried really hard, you could look into the woods and forget that we are right in the middle of the chaotic Mall of GA area. So I am sitting out there, trying to pray, looking into the woods. Now the woods are probably like 100-150 feet deep and then on the other side is Gravel Springs Roads where they are doing tons of construction. So while sitting out there, looking into "the woods" all I can hear is the sound of bulldozers and big trucks honking and moving around.

The pondering...
Why did I go outside to pray? No one is at the house right now, it is perfectly quiet in here and I wouldn't be distrubed. But I didn't want to pray in here, it felt weird...so I went outside on the deck to pray. Here is the thing, it is always noisy at this time of day out there...I know that. So did I go out there for the sake of looking into the woods? Or did I go out there for the noise? Maybe that seems like a stupid question for you, but for me it is deep. In my house (at the moment) is the quiet serenity that I should long for. Outside is the chaotic noise of multiple inputs coming at me at once. Perhaps this is why I love Starbucks so much? Coffee is coffee, but at Starbucks there is so much going on at once between people walking in and out, music over the speakers, coffee machines making noise...maybe that is the drawing fact of that place...it isn't quiet.

Maybe I am the only one who feels this way, but I think my life up to this point has conditioned me to live in the chaos and not really know how to live without it. Noise helps me think, my ipod is needed to help me write...somehow this seems so far from God's design.

No real answer for all of that, just something I am processing.

I prayed, He listened, He spoke, I listened...hopefully the dumptruck drivers wont share any of the conversation.