Life n Death n Stuff InBetween

Moonlight Chasing

2008-06-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

I find myself sitting in a large parking-lot at almost 11pm at night. Nothing weird going on, just compelled to stay out a little longer. The moon is hanging in an awesome spot where it is visible from just the right spots at the right altitudes.

I remember when I was in High School, I would go “Moonlight Chasing” where I would drive thru different neighborhoods trying to find where the best view of the moon was. Just a silly game, but it was fun to do when I had the time.

Funny thing about the moon, which I remember from school…the moon emits no light on its own. On nights like tonight when it is all bright and awesome to look at, it isn’t that the moon has any light of its own, it is coming from another source, from the sun. Somehow the light from the sun is bouncing off the moon and reflecting to us in the middle of the night. Pretty cool.

It is more than just a cool thought when you realize that some of us are sitting in the middle of a dark night, waiting for daylight. Sometimes it seems like it is almost pitch black, and you wonder if this is the night that will never end. In those dark moments of the soul, there is a beacon of hope. There is a moon that sits on high and reminds me of a promise. It reminds me that while night comes…it can only stay for a while, because it will eventually have to submit and give way to daylight.

The moon, and the light that it shares, is in effect a reminder of God’s faithfulness. Darkness does not reign, despair is not an end. There is a moon up above that reflects light and reminds us, “the light is coming.”

So tonight, I find myself Moonlight Chasing, trusting in a promise.

Storehouses of Snow

2008-05-14T04:10:00.000-07:00

Has your life ever come so close to crumbling, that you wonder what else could go wrong? You sit and watch as one thing after another falls apart, and it is like watching a predictable movie. For those who have no foundation in life, I don't know how the winds of turmoil don't knock them out completely. I view life from the perspective of Christ's love, cause that is the foundation I am on. Even standing on that foundation, I can be shaken to the core by the "rocking of the boat." For those of us who stand in Christ, a blow to our physical health can be hard, but necessarily life shattering...family crisis can bring pain...but it can be bearable. Our perspective in Christ allows us to look into this world that is falling apart and know things will happen to shake us. Sometimes though, a compilation of things, a series of events can occur that will shake even a follower of God to the core and knock them on their back.

I have been reading through the book of Job. If my life were not confirmation of everything said above, then the story of Job basically confirms it. He follows God, seeks to honor Him as best he can. He acts rightly on this earth and respects those around him. Yet at the beginning of this long book (LONG BOOK) he looses everything within a short amount of time. He stands strong and then one blow comes at him, but before he can physically and emotionally and spiritually recover and process, another ones comes, and then another.

In my head I picture a prize fighter who has an unbelievable record, and this guy is getting assaulted with combo's and punches and it is happening so quick he can't block or stop it.

Now Job, knocked down for the count, goes through what (to the reader) feels like an eternity just sitting and not knowing how to go on. Now from our perspective, especially if you have read this story before, you know that in the end God comes and brings reconciliation to the relationship and restores Job and blesses him with more than he ever had before. It is a happy ending.

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of Job's story? You look around and wonder, "what else could go wrong?" Your life is shattered. Sometimes the "happy end to the story" isn't going to carry you. Most of the time, "it will be alright" is just an annoying phrase that is not helpful. I have read this story a few times, I can give you the outline, yet when I physically sit in the middle of the storm, I find it hard to care as much about the happy ending. When your physical body, your emotions, your spirit and all that is within you is shaken and battered, vision and hope seem like cruel words.

Then, somehow, like the first leaves of Spring, something changes. God delivers something of hope that is actually tangible, something your spirit can hang on to! In His own way, He reminds you of His intentionality, and love, and care for you. In God's response to Job and his friends, he goes on for chapters ranting about who He is and how He is in control. He brings a picture that captures it all:

"Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail, which I reserve for times of trouble..." (Job 38:22-23)

Like God cares so much about His creation, and He is so in control that he actually has storehouses of snow. Storehouses of Snow!! Do you understand what that is, do you catch what is symbolized there? In the midst of pain and angst, God makes clear, "I am still in control, I have good for you in this" and oh ya..."I have storehouses of blessings...of joy....of laughter...of peace that I can deliver whenever I want."

Oh how He loves us. He really does. In the middle of our trails and our pains, He wants us to remain confident in Him, knowing that He is at work and will turn our pain into joy. He makes all things new.

If He has a whole storehouse just for snow, can you imagine or get your mind around the good things He has waiting for you at the other end of a rough season? Do you understand He is so on top of it all that He isn't making it up as He goes. In the middle of your hard times, He isn't looking around going, "hmmm what can I do to fix this, how can I help out." He is one who has thought through the details of human life to such an extent that He saw it fit to create a storehouse just for snow! And another one for hail! (I mean I don't know why hail, but I am not God).

Who knows what else He has stored up for those who love Him.

No Sacrifice in Love

2008-05-11T05:10:00.000-07:00

I am a child of the 80’s and 90’s. There is no separating that from me. I will always have references for movies and bands that go back to this time period. I am marked by the influx of knowledge and insight gained from wonderful pieces of art. The magic of the Jurassic Park soundtrack will resound in my heart until the day I die…I can still get lost in the wonder of E.T. As cheesy as the old Batman movies are, I grew up enthralled by them.

You know what I really love about movies, especially from that time period? I have always appreciated the love stories. There is something that so connects with me in the triumph of love over all other odds. The depiction of a man giving up things he so cherishes to win over the girl he wants to cherish even more…that makes movie magic! What person with even the smallest romantic bone in their body doesn’t long to be in that story?

It is a story whose theme was written onto our hearts before we ever had a chance to deny it.

I think about this story a lot, because I look forward to entering into the details of the story I am in. As I think about it, a simple thought:

There is no sacrifice in Love.

Do people give up things for the sake of love? Yes. Do they accept hardship for the chance at love? Yes. Are most lives only made harder by the implications of pursuing love? YES! And despite all that, I will tell you there is no sacrifice in love. The reason I say this is because the reward of “sacrifice” has no value in light of Love. To be able to claim you have sacrificed is to claim some pride of your efforts and energy to attain something. While usually noble, the act of sacrifice gains you a level of respect; that is your reward.

In Love, everything is different. For true love…love itself is the reward. Sacrifice only happens when the benefits of sacrifice are in play…and while not specifically self-serving…there is tremendous personal gain in sacrifice. While the fires of sacrifice run red-hot…the passion and zeal that come from the fire of love burns white hot…and smokes away all pride and personal gain…and leaves you with only one true treasure…Love itself.

A person can give all they have, all the wealth of the world if needed, for the sake of gaining love. In this very act, any outsider would look upon the situation and call it great sacrifice. The one who gains love, however, would look upon their situation and claim all that was “sacrificed” was done so in light of love, and nothing of any real value was lost…in light of love.

True love, the big “L” type of love, is a reward so big; it is unable to be paired with any other. No man could claim he gained love “and.” To have any other prize is to highlight an inability to appreciate the true Prize at its truest value.

Embracing your call

2008-03-31T05:42:00.000-07:00

Well a lot of you seemed to be impacted by the last post, I have loved your comments and thoughts, so please drop in updates of how processing your weight is going.

This morning my thoughts are more towards the future, towards vision and direction. Have you ever felt the call of God for something? It doesn't have to be towards a career or being a missionary or something like that...God can call us to the most simple or most grand of tasks. There is no doubt that God has calls for you. He might call you to step out in faith in terms of the school you should attend. His call might have to do with a job you will take, or not take. Perhaps His call to you might have to do with a relationship in your life. Whatever the specific call that God has for you in the next season, what I am sure of is that He has a call for you. He is always at work around us and is continually inviting us towards deeper faith in Him, usually by calling us towards something.

The question is what you do with the call. What do you do with the invitation of God into something new? Are you reserved...keeping one foot on tested ground and letting the other test the waters of something new? Do you jump in without any inhabitions? For most of us, I would bet that we hold back our heart from our new adventure. God calls us to something new (whether it is stepping into something new or stepping away from something old), and for many of us, we embrace the call in a half-hearted way. God invites us to the adventure of a school that is different from our plans, and we move some of our actions in that direction...while still emotionally holding on to the plans of the school we had planned on. He invites us into a new adventure in relationships, and we hold our hearts a couple miles away to test the waters and make sure new relationships are a safe bet. He calls us with a career direction change, and we dabble in many different opportunities so that no doors close on us...in case He was wrong.

My most clear memory of this sort of thing has to do with the first college I attended, Georgia State University. The summer before I started college, God called me into ministry. The details around the call are still vivid to me, and I can say without a doubt that God had a direction call for me and wanted me to move in that direction. He didn't ask me to change colleges or anything, but He did want my heart fully invested in His plan. As I started school and progressed throughout the first year, what became clear was that I was investing in my classes and studies with a divided heart. I wanted what God had for me in ministry, but I wanted a good degree also, probably something in business...just in case God's call didn't work out, I wanted something to fall back on. (Now before you start saying "For Shame!" check your own story for things like this). The story goes on, and I don't need to take up your time with what all transpired from there, but I will tell you that God is a jealous lover and will do whatever it takes to get our heart wholly and undivided.

There is a sweet picture in the old testament of this whole-hearted embrace of a call. In 1 Kings 19 we see the call of Elisha, who is called to be a prophet of the Lord. When he is called by God, he is in the middle of plowing. Now I am kind of a city guy, so I really have no clue what plowing is, but I imagine it is something you do with John Deer equipment. Seeing as Elisha probably didn't have any John Deer equipment, I imagine this plowing thing was probably harder than we know. Anyway, Elisha is called by God to be a prophet, and what he does next is an awesome picture for us of embracing the call of God.

The Bible says that Elisha took his yoke of oxen (that he was using to help plow) and slaughtered them (no half-hearted there...those oxen really wont be able to help with the plowing anymore). Then, as if that wasn't enough, he took all the plowing equipment and burned it! And he used the burning pile of equipment to cook the slaughtered oxen as a meal! Then, after all that is done, he goes and starts to embrace the call of God on his life. Honestly, when I read this today, I laughed out loud. Tell me that isn't kind of funny? Home-boy Elisha doesn't just go and embrace his new direction, but he first takes the tools and resources of his old direction and uses them the make some food!

Funny picture, yet inspiring all the same. Elisha went that day with an undivided heart. He didn't create back-up plans in case God didn't work out. He jumped fully into the call.

I don't know that anyone reading this has any actually oxen to slaughter or equipment to burn, but I am interested to hear your thoughts on the ways you personally are working to be undivided towards God's call.

Running with Weight

2008-03-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

I am out of shape. I know, I know…this is a shocker that you didn’t want to believe…but believe me, it is sad but true. I bring this confession for 2 reasons.

1) It is basically Spring and I am thinking about everything I want to do outside, and how I better start getting in shape so I can enjoy the weather out there! Nothing like temps in the upper 60’s to remind me that all those fast food meals are the gifts that keep on giving…

2) I was made to run. I don’t mean I am meant to be a marathon type of person, or a “hey I run 10 miles a day” sort of person. I mean I was made to experience something of fullness and joy in life as I push forward with intense momentum. I was born to run. Walking would get me there, but walking is not the right mode for me. Now I am not talking about impatience within me. This is not like a microwave it…hurry it up…I want it all and I want it now sort of mentality. We all have that within us, but that is not what I am talking about here. I mean there is something for me (perhaps for us) in the intense momentum of running - something of fresh purpose and renewed desire.

This is true physically. When you run, you release endorphins, you can get a “runners high,” and when the weather is just right…the setting is just right…you can feel as if all the joy in this life is just one stride away…and you want it NOW!

This is also true mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I (and perhaps you) was born to run. God created me to stride boldly and take big leap after big leap in pursuing Him and all He has for me. When pushing myself forward with intense momentum, I seem to find this sense of growing desire and purpose. Hopefully all of us have at least a few times in life been to a place where we can look inward and honestly say, “I was made for this!”

Lately, I have been thinking about the idea of running with weights. When I was in middle school, I found a pair of ankle weights and started to train with them. I now know they are horrible for your knees, but then all I knew was if I could run and train with a couple of extra pounds on each leg, then when I ran without the weights I would be able to run longer and with more energy and endurance. While that was true, when I ran with the weights on, it was depressing, because I was going nowhere near as far or as fast as I could.

I have been thinking about this lately because it translates mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When you are born to run, to soar, God has to put you in training. There are seasons of training that must occur. There are weights that will be added to your load, to help you train and learn how to carry more. There is financial weight that comes with life, when you don’t have enough funds, you can literally feel the 5 pound weights being attached to your legs. When you are in your 20’s and 30’s you have to ask questions of yourself having to do with purpose and calling…and when you are not in your sweet spot, there can be a weight to that, like a 5 pound wrist weights on your arms. Don’t forget relationships! When you have relationships (friendships, work peers, romantic, whatever!) that aren’t working right, it is like a 10 pound vest just thrown over your shoulders. There are so many other things that can weigh you down, these are just a few.

When you have all these weights on you, how are you supposed to run? It is impossible! Simply moving forward, even with a slow walk is impressive. You were made to run, and it becomes more and more impossible with every weight that attaches itself to you.

All of this would be too much, overly depressing and conquering, if it were not for the reality of training. These weights are not here to stop you or slow you down, but in our short-term perspective it feels like they are fighting against our goal…to run! The weights are given, in appropriate time and right seasons, to help us to train. They are here to build our emotional, relational, mental and spiritual muscles, so that we can soar with new found energy and endurance in the coming years.

Is this story true?

2008-02-11T05:11:00.000-08:00

There is this girl that I read about the other day, I have heard the story before, but it struck me differently this time. She wasn't really anyone too special, didn't necessarily stand out in a crowd. Anyway, she gets to a certain age and takes the next logical step of progression in her culture, she gets married. She marries into a good family, but says goodbye to her old family. Not sure how often she gets to see her old family, but I know she really kind of left them to cleave to this new one. Well within the course of 10 years, her father-in-law dies, her brother-in-law dies, and her own husband dies. I wish I knew the details of what happened to them, but unfortunately I do not.

Well with all of these tragedies in the family, along with some other circumstances, the mother-in-law decides she is going to move back to a place she once lived, a place that once was a symbol of comfort and joy to her. No doubt when she thinks about this land, she can picture times of enjoying her husband and her 2 boys. She encourages her now widowed daughter-in-law to go back to her old family, try to make a life for herself, maybe even find another husband. She won’t do it. She hugs her mother-in-law tightly, as if they were truly mother and daughter, and says "I will go where you go." So together, they go back to a place once filled with joy for this mother, and a place completely unknown for this girl.

Once settled into their new home, the girl decides to try and go get a job and find some way to help provide for her and her mother-in-law. While doing this, a man of good standing notices her, and shows a desire to help her and serve her. He tells her he actually has heard about her, and the care she has shown for her mother-in-law. He tells her,

"May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." (Ruth 2:12)

The story is from the small book of Ruth in the Old Testament. I share it with you because if you are someone I do ministry with, this is an encouragement and challenge to us all. Go and read the story for yourself, the whole book is only 4 chapters, so it goes quick. Here is what I can tell you and what I think God wants to show us:

In our post, in the ministry that we serve in, as we reach out and invite in new people, we are Boaz (the man in the story who is of good standing).

Every new person we meet in our ministry starts out a Ruth (the girl in the story).

When you read the story, please understand I am not talking about marriage, this is not a literal meaning from the story. What we see is a man from the "home crowd" reaching out and working for the comfort of Ruth, the "new person."

Whether you realize it or not, every person comes into our doors with hurts and fears and questions about God and His people...they literally are stepping under the wings of the Lord to take refuge. Our "church" home offers a place of refuge for Ruth. And we have the privilege of serving each person, and showing Gods love.

May this short story be a source of encouragement to you as we serve together in the months ahead; as I know it will be for me. Every time we meet a new person, I am praying these words are going through our head, "May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, under whose wings you have come to take refuge."

Jesus wept

2008-02-05T04:49:00.000-08:00

In our search in life to know and be known, we keep striving after connections. We want to be known...it is a soul level craving. We share movies with people, games, observations and more because when we share experience together...we become connected and a little more known.

I was reading this morning and something occured to me. There is only 1 time recorded in scripture where Jesus actually was moved to tears. He didn't seem to get emotional over:

-The crowds leaving because his words were hard to swallow
-His brothers mocking him
-The disciples fleeing and leaving
-His own crucifiction

All of these deeply intense times in his life, we see no record of emotion...but there is ONE instance of his spirit being moved through his emotions, resulting in him being moved to tears. What was it that brought him to the point of weeping? It wasn't Lazarus's death...He knew He was about to raise him from the dead. In fact, Jesus knew all...so there was no uncertainty or lack of control that he could cry over. What made him weep?

My God cares for me so, He is so in tune with my spirit. He cares for us so much, and is so heavily invested in our lives that He was even able to become emotionally overwhelmed by seeing our pain. Our hurt moves him to action. He is that involved in our lives. It says that He was "deeply moved and troubled." He moved from teaching Jesus that has words of wisdom and guidance to action..."Where have you laid him?" He saw the pain and tears of those gathered, and was moved to instant action.

He doesn't just know us better than we know ourselves, He cares for us more than we care for ourselves.

Secret Words for the soul

2008-01-09T05:08:00.000-08:00

Just a simple thought today about how we are wired/connected to God. The language I would use to describe my relationship with Christ is that I am a follower of Jesus. That he leads me, I follow, and that is how I am generally found in Him.

I was reading this morning in Exodus and came across this: "Moses said to the people, 'Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.'" Basically a whole massive group of people just left a land where they were in slavery and forced to live one way...and now they are living in another land and figuring out just how to live. God came and tested them so that they would feel fear in relation to knowing God. The goal was that this fear would keep them from sinning.

I don't know what scares you, you don't really know what scares me. Fear is an internal reality most of the time. So while God wanted the massive group of people to feel fear, He knew it would reflect differently in each person...to work towards the end goal. Perhaps the fear for one person was death...and yet for another it was to be cast away from everyone else...and for another the fear of never living up to their potential. Either way, this big event had 1 purpose: that the fear of God would individually manifest itself in each person so they would be directed in how they live.

Jump to another time in history, and God comes down in flesh as Jesus so that "we may have life, and have it to the full." He spends some time with a small group of people, but then he sends "the counselor" who will help direct us and show us how to live and follow Him. The method of delivery is so different from earlier in history, but I am struck how they both lead to the same conclusion.

In the days of Moses, God put the fear of God in people to help them follow Him. The goal was that they would have the best this life has to offer.

In the days of Jesus (which we are still in), God woo's us to live a certain way and follow Him, but the pathway for this is love...so that we would find the best that this life has to offer.

I think it is cool how this works, because these seem to be such contrasting plans, yet our God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. So what is the commonality through all this?

I believe God wants to reveal deep, personal and intimate things about Himself to us individually so we would desire to follow in His ways. This has always been true. In the days of old, He did this by inviting His people to see and understand His power and authority so that they would have a healthy fear...which could also be called reverence. Today, He does this by first inviting people to see another side of His character: His love, grace, acceptance and forgiveness.

These qualities have always been true of Him. AND, it seems that He chooses to reveal different pieces of His character to each of us, depending on what is going on within us. He has secret words for our soul, so that we would know without a shadow of a doubt that He is who we think He is. He speaks in such deep and personal ways that we can't always articulate it, but simply recognize He is true, He is good, He is trustworthy.

Connected

2007-12-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

When is being connected an obsessive compulsion? I am sitting at Starbucks, wanting to just come in and read, but decided to pull my computer out also...just to check my email real quick. I forgot that the server at work is being moved this weekend, so I can't check that email account.

Ever been overly frustrated by something so small and pointless? I can't check my email. That isn't my only email, I have a Yahoo account too. Plus I end up using my Facebook account and MySpace account to stay connected to a lot of people. So, how is it that I can become so annoyed by just 1 of my many forms of communication being shut down?

I think the internet these days is making a lot of us obsessive compulsive. I am more guilty of this than almost anyone else! I leave my computer on most days while I am at work...I will stay logged in on my computer, even when I am in another part of the house doing something else. Why do I do that? Am I really this committed to work? Doubt it.

Somehow, it feels like if I log off...if I shut down my facebook for the next few hours, I will miss something big. I will look to see who is online sometimes...wont message those that are online...just wondering who else is on. Weird.

I am left to believe that the whole reason I stay on has to do with being connected. Somehow having my computer online offers me at least the illusion of connectedness at that moment...and it makes me feel good. I can't explain it, doubt I am alone it in. I wonder if our parents ever thoughts about these things or if this is a condition limited just to our WWW generation.

Our God is an extravagant lover

2007-10-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

I guess it has been a while since I posted on here. I have thought about it often, but have not felt inspired or pressed to write my thoughts to the world.

Tonight, a change.

We have been basically begging for paper bags for the Hallows Eve Diversion in Lawrenceville. We needed 3000, we barely had 1000, and I have been asking God how this gap actually is supposed to get filled, especially with so little time left before Halloween.

In authentic desperation, I called Aubrey and Ben tonight to ask for the help of their tribe because we needed all the help we could get.

When I met everyone at Waffle House at 10pm tonight, I expected to celebrate the delivery of 200-300 bags which would have been a huge help. I guess that expectation is what left me speechless as the 3000+ bags were gathered in that parking lot.

3000+.

I don't know what things you are supposed to say in that moment...which is okay because I couldn't really talk anyway. But as I drove home, I couldn't help but think that our God is an extravagant lover. An average love will get you just enough. Tonight, i would have been happy with just enough. And then God reminded me of His never ending love for me, for us.

An extravagant lover takes joy in lavishing the object of his affection with tokens of his love.

Looking forward to the first year of the Hallows Eve Diversion.

What to do with your 24th hour

2007-09-21T14:55:00.000-07:00

Months and months of waiting and watching have concluded as the bless'd season of Fall is upon us. I celebrate because I have 2 days a week filled with football I could watch if I choose...and because there is a chill in the morning air which demands my lungs to breath in deep...because the pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks...because this time of the year is like the beginning of a long roller coaster ride. It is like sitting in line at 6-flags for an hour and a half just to get on the ride...and now I am just happy the coaster is moving!

Fall is my favorite time of year. It holds the the best of my memories from my past.

There is a price to pay for this amazing season. With fall comes so many more options in your life, things you can do with your time. As you get older, it seems like the many options suddenly become many commitments...and though fall brings a beauty to it...I am finding that it also brings a weight to my life.

There is much I want to do. There are many goals I want to reach, many tasks I must complete, many relationships I wish to develop...and I find myself butting up against...well...the 24th hour of the day. I am going and going and doing and doing, and suddenly I look up and realize that there is only so much time left in the day, and the time that is left will not suffice to reach my goals and complete my tasks and pour into my relationships.

With that reality in mind, I just ask a question: What do you do with your 24th hour? When you are left to acknowledge that you will not get done all you had hoped to get done...what gets your "last hour."

I ask this because I feel like every day I am faced with this question.

Do I give my last bit of energy and time in the day to my friends? To my work? To cleaning the house and maintaining it? To watching another episode of Lost or Studio 60? There are so many things to do...and yet each day I cannot get to it all.

I would write more...but I want to leave room for you to comment....and the roller coaster is about to start again. =)

Father God

2007-09-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

A simple thought, probably not new to most of you.

I have been thinking recently, and I believe God is revealing this to me for a few reasons, that the key to human relationships is God.

Perhaps that seems like a very general, unhelpful statement. If so, let me put it in a way that is extremely clarifying and helpful. I desire relationships, connections with other people. I am starting to realize with a new intensity that the key to having the best relationships is knowing more of the God who is Father over these people.

I have been thinking about this, because it is also true in our human relationships with parents. The way to understand a child is to understand their parent. The key to knowing the heart of a person is to know the heart of their Father, which has helped form their own heart and passions.
More specifically, I have been thinking about this when it comes to guy/girl relationships. When a guy wants to pursue a girl, he pours a whole lot of his energy (if not all of it) into trying to win her over and woo her heart. This isn't bad (necessarily), but here is my thought...if I learn more of humanity by knowing the heart of God (The Father)...than perhaps I should spend some time and energy trying to know and understand the heart of an earthly father in order to win the heart of his daughter.

I am not saying this is the way it MUST be. I am just suggesting that maybe this is the best way...not to mention the fact that it makes a man interact with authority figures early on in "the pursuit."

Just a thought.

The formative thoughts and practices of a parent help shape the way a child will think and interact with the world around them.

The radical mystic

2007-08-26T13:04:00.000-07:00

"You will find him in your own town, in your own family, and even in the strivings of your own heart, because he is in every man who draws his strength from the vision that dawns on the skyline of his life and leads him to a new world.

It is this new world that fills our dreams, guides our actions and makes us go on, at great risk, with the increasing conviction that one day man will finally be free - free to love!"
- from The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen

This is the passage at the end of a chapter which is about the condition of our world and our (as a human race) ways of processing and interacting.

Am I am mystic? am I a revolutionary? do I lose sight of God's work in my life when I allow myself to be pigeon-holed into one of these grandiose labels?

On one side I find my introspective nature that would quietly sit for hours and analyze and process the realities of my life, and never really engage. It is this part of me that consistantly will wonder, "have I found what is really important in this life and the next...and am I living in it?" It is this side of me that believes if I could just sit at home all day and read and pray and ponder the greatness of God, I would find true life.

Then there is the other side, which Nouwen calls the revolutionary. It is the lifestyle that says, "change the world or die trying." It is this part of me that believes I will find my purpose...my identity, in what I do and what I give my life to. This is the side of me that would say "forsake the few, for the sake of the many"...a great business model...but not the ideal for my pursuit of God.

So what exactly should it look like for me to exist as both? How do I live as a radical mystic who moves boldly forward to change the world...while asking God what are the small simple things for me to do...to honor You today?

Lost and Elizabethtown

2007-08-17T05:18:00.000-07:00

The older I get, certain things in life become clearer than ever before. I am not talking about life purpose or anything like that. The clarity I am speaking of has to do with...well...the rules of the road...the unavoidable laws of life. Some of them are obvious to us, and I have been reminded of just a few in recent days:

-Every month and year seems to pass by faster than the year before.

-Every young adult longs for the freedom of their own place to live...until they have it...and then they long for mom's cooking and laundry services.

-Following your dreams costs you much

-If you do not grow through the pain of your past, you will never be able to get past...the past.

The "rule" that has be ready to write at this moment is hard to articulate, so I will just put it this way: "certain things are better left unsaid." (Is it ironic that it is hard to articulate that?) Perhaps I am the only one that notices this, which is fine, but I am finding all of these moments lately where I engage with friends or peers and there is something there...something between us. Good or bad, it is there. Now I have become a person who is quick to call those things out, it is becoming natural to me. However, I am beginning to wonder if in some situations, things are better left unsaid. An odd tension among co-workers that has no obvious resolution...a noticeable attraction between two friends...a parting of ways...sometimes the things that we feel are the most important to say are the things we are better off not saying.

When i think of this, I think of Lost and Elizabethtown. Lost is currently my favorite TV show and Elizabethtown is one of my favorite movies of all time (if not my #1 favorite). I find myself talking to people about these pieces of entertainment...and if feels useless. I can tell you dynamics of why I think Lost is such a well written show, and I can talk about the originality found in Elizabethtown...but in the end...I can not communicate why these shows touch me like they do.

We (as a human race) are all in search of deep connections. Some of our deepest desires, and deepest hurts and pains are built around this need to be connected to others. I am noticing of late that there is nothing I can do to communicate why Lost and Elizabethtown speak to my soul so much, why I feel like the watching of these things is like the read of a book entitled "all about Cory." All I know is that these things are close to me, because they have touched my soul in a way that few things have, they have brought tangible, visual pictures to the "hard to communicate" places of my heart.

I can't tell you exactly why I like these shows so much, all I know is that when you watch them and connect, you engage in an unspoken dialog with me...over things I have yet to figure out how to articulate.

Rotten Apples

2007-07-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

"Remember the days of old, consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you. When the Most High gave the nations their inheritance, when he divided all mankind, he set up boundaries for the peoples according to the number of the sons of God. For the Lord's portion is his people, Jacob his allotted inheritance. In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye."

Every once in a while, I think I need to check my sanity and see if the passage above really is in the Bible. It seems like it is, it sounds like it is...but then you get into the nitty-gritty of what I thought it would look like for God to guard me as the "apple of his eye"...and well it suddenly becomes a bit hard to believe. I find myself looking at this passage and then wondering if I am off, or if God is a liar. (Don't worry folks, I don't think God is a liar)

Doesn't it evoke something within you when you read "the Lord's portion is his people" or "he guarded him as the apple of his eye." It feels as if there are things that go along with that. I wont be presumptuous enough as to try and write what I think those things are...because it is often very intangible. In fact, perhaps it isn't that certain things go along with that...maybe it is just that from time to time I have that nagging feeling that something is off...and I want to believe it is God.

I'll find myself having a rough conversation, an awkward moment or just a rough day and end up thinking, "what was that apple of the eye stuff I read?" How is it that I am the apple of His eye and yet life is like this?

If the Lord would call His people "His portion" then why does He feel so far off?

How do I reconcile the fears and emotions to His perfect will?

Don't worry friends, not a crisis of faith =) Just some important questions to think on.

We are creators

2007-06-27T05:27:00.000-07:00

So I was reading this book this weekend (Sex God by Rob Bell, I recommend it!) and there is a line in it that really got me thinking.

"How you treat the creation reflects how you feel about the creator."

It is an interesting thought. How I treat people is a sign of how I feel about God. How I treat the environment around me is a sign of how I feel about God. A great dashboard for how I am doing internally is for me to look at how I treat the friend that is in need at the moment....the window to my soul is my attitude towards you.

My humanity, and my ability to embrace the call of God, is intrinsically linked to treat others as people and not as objects. It is "inhuman" when I treat a person as a means to an end. Surely that thought strikes a cord with more than just me.

That in itself isn't the big thought I wanted to process though. The question I pose is what does it look like for us to be creators...as our father in heaven is a creator. We were given dominion over the earth to go and work it...God made us creators. We are His creation and in that we have been given both a heart, mind and soul that can sing in tune with humanity as well as giving us divine inspiration that allows us to bring Heaven to earth.

I think this commission on us is probably a little like, "Go...do...be..." and the rest we are supposed to figure out as we go...and do...and be (or are, I suck a language). With that being said, I believe there are a few things we are specifically (and universally) called to be creators of because of our relationship with Christ:

1) Ambassadors (or creators) of Reconciliation-God created ultimate reconciliation by His sacrifice on the cross, and we are to be His ambassadors of it. In 2 Corinthians, Paul is talking about our intensity when it comes to living for Christ and serving Him, and with that he is talking about our recreation...

"16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God." (2 Cor 5:16-20)

Our role as ambassadors of this message of reconciliation is to be creators of reconciliation moments. A church service is just one simple example of this...people working to create moments that highlight this message of reconciliation to those around us. These moments can occur anytime, but we have to figure out how to embrace our creator-ness =) in the middle of everyday moments. How do I create a reconciliation moment while I am sitting at Starbucks? How can I create those moments while I am out on the Frisbee field? I don't have a perfect answer for these questions, I just know they are ones we should be asking.

2) Creators of Love on Earth - God is the source of all love. We only know what love is because He first showed us. He took the very high and lofty thought of love and made it real...and personal...and intimate. Now we have this love inside us that the world needs. This world is running rampant with many things, but love is not one of them. Love on earth happens when we go and create it! It happens when we bring heaven to earth by way of the love that we create, give and show! In 1 John 4:18 it says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." I think the question we need to consistently ask is "how can I bring love to this _____(person, situation, environment, ect...) in such a way that it drives out fear?" How do I create love on earth? I don't know that there is a concrete answer, but I think a sign of love on earth has to do with a lack of fear on earth.

3) Creators of Hope - Our hope is found in Christ, at least it is for those of us who know Him. People around us need hope. There isn't a whole lot to say here for this reason...have you ever looked into the eyes of despair and been able to bring hope to that situation? Have you been able to see the look in someones eyes as despair changes to hope? It is in that moment that you realize "I was created to do this." When you create moments where hope can develop and flourish, you have tapped into something of God's call on the Church.

There are so many other ways we are called to be creators. These are just a few that are on my mind right now...but if you have any other ways that come to mind...please share!

The Bends

2007-06-24T10:40:00.000-07:00

There is a sickness that is typical in the scuba industry...as well as flying...as well as any other arena where there is a dramatic change in altitude. You body, when put under additional pressure from the air around it, must adjust to the change as you progress (whether it be going down in a Scuba dive or flying up in a plane). There are different decompression stops that must be made for your body to help you adjust. Without these, you can send your body into decompression sickness-"the bends". Without getting too technical (especially since I don't really know that much about it)...your body has natural gases that must be processed at different altitudes...without giving time to process it the right way, you can make your body very sick.

And so I am left with a question...does the same thing happen mentally and/or spiritually? Have you ever felt like you have gone from one spiritual climate to another so quickly that you feel out of it? Felt like your external situations take you from the mountain tops to the valleys in the course of the same day? I just wonder what the effects are of the spiritual bends or if it even exists. What about the mental bends? Does something like that exist?

I have noticed that the rhythms of my life on certain days cause me to experience something of the bends. I can go from the most visionary, mission oriented moments to the most unimportant tasks, and all the while feel this sickness in me that I can't process. How can you run back and forth from honoring God in the smallest of things to honoring Him in these big glamorous ways...and then back and forth again and again?

Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just sit at one altitude forever then try to help my mind and spirit engage in all these different environment.

Lost in Suburbia

2007-06-20T05:04:00.000-07:00

The setup...
So I was sitting out on my deck just a few minutes ago, trying to pray. Now my deck faces some wooded area in our neighborhood. If you tried really hard, you could look into the woods and forget that we are right in the middle of the chaotic Mall of GA area. So I am sitting out there, trying to pray, looking into the woods. Now the woods are probably like 100-150 feet deep and then on the other side is Gravel Springs Roads where they are doing tons of construction. So while sitting out there, looking into "the woods" all I can hear is the sound of bulldozers and big trucks honking and moving around.

The pondering...
Why did I go outside to pray? No one is at the house right now, it is perfectly quiet in here and I wouldn't be distrubed. But I didn't want to pray in here, it felt weird...so I went outside on the deck to pray. Here is the thing, it is always noisy at this time of day out there...I know that. So did I go out there for the sake of looking into the woods? Or did I go out there for the noise? Maybe that seems like a stupid question for you, but for me it is deep. In my house (at the moment) is the quiet serenity that I should long for. Outside is the chaotic noise of multiple inputs coming at me at once. Perhaps this is why I love Starbucks so much? Coffee is coffee, but at Starbucks there is so much going on at once between people walking in and out, music over the speakers, coffee machines making noise...maybe that is the drawing fact of that place...it isn't quiet.

Maybe I am the only one who feels this way, but I think my life up to this point has conditioned me to live in the chaos and not really know how to live without it. Noise helps me think, my ipod is needed to help me write...somehow this seems so far from God's design.

No real answer for all of that, just something I am processing.

I prayed, He listened, He spoke, I listened...hopefully the dumptruck drivers wont share any of the conversation.